How Do You Know? You Don't, Not 100%

      I had a friend today tell me about one of his best friends getting dumped because his fiancé was not “100% sure” that he was the right person for her.  I felt that was kind of strange; has anyone ever been 100% sure about the person they’re going to marry?  I highly doubt it.  To me, that takes away the exciting leap of faith that is associated with marrying someone.  It also makes it seem that strong marriages are guaranteed because of compatibility rather than being earned through dedication, conscious choice and sustained effort.  However, this did get me thinking about what attracted me to Julie in the first place and why I decided to marry her.

      The first time I saw Julie, I obviously thought she was beautiful.  How could I not?  But, there was something deeper, too.  I had seen lots of hotties before that I was more than content looking at from afar.  With Julie, it was different; I remember when I saw her I had the strange thought, “I wish that she was my girlfriend.”  After days of begging, my friend finally gave me her phone number and I called her up.  From the minute I picked her up, it was very easy to talk to her.  A lot of this probably came from the fact that she had been on millions of first dates, but there was a comfort I felt around her that I rarely feel around people when I first meet them.  We enjoyed talking to and being around each other.  Pretty soon, we became boyfriend and girlfriend.  We knew that we liked each other, so we started talking about important things to see if we could be with each other for the long haul.  Already knowing I liked being around her and that I could see myself enjoying her forever, I started to ask about her view on family.  It sealed the deal when she shared her views about her excitement to be a wife and a mother and that family was the most important thing to her.  Her was this beautiful, intelligent, educated, fun, funny and kind woman who did not think it a burden or a sacrifice to have a family.  Though I am not really any of those other things, I too think family is the most important thing and have never really understood why men or women think career choice and advancement is what makes a person successful.  I guess I learned that to a large extent from my parents, who always put us first even though they have been successful in other pursuits.  So, I said to myself that she was beautiful, had a testimony, wanted a family, and I loved her; that was more than enough for me to make the choice.  I did not really even have to ask God about whether it was right. 

     Still, with all of these assurances, there I was on March 19^th (late the night before my wedding) vomiting out of nervousness.  I guess the point is, no matter how much you love somebody, there are no guarantees and marriage has never been “easy.”  I hope this girl who was not “100% sure” about her fiancé that she will never find a man she is 100% sure about, but that she will find a man she is 90% sure about and have a happy, long marriage to him.  If you want, write me about how you knew you wanted to marry your spouse.  To me, it felt good writing this and I am fascinated about why people marry.      

Before I met Julie, this could have been my song.