Yesterday, I had the amazing opportunity to hear my baby's heart beat for the first time. I don't know who's heart was beating faster: mine or the baby. Since the day Julie gave me the spectacular news that she was pregnant, I have been very excited. However, within 5 minutes of the announcement, I was scared to death. Will the baby like me? Will Julie still like me? Will being pregnant cause Julie to all of a sudden become another, far more lethal person? Will our baby turn into a crack head? Will our baby be a girl that turns out to be very pretty so I will have to threaten many teenage boys? Will our baby be ugly and get made fun of at school? Will I be able to provide? What if the baby wants to go to Harvard? What if the baby wants to drop out of high school and live in a tiny trailer with a person twenty years their senior? All of these thoughts came gushing into my head, in no particular order.
Julie was a little worried that my mortal fear of becoming a dad meant that I wasn't excited. Fortunately, we read a book about how mothers and fathers react to the news; it claims that women generally think of the emotional and nurturing connection and men often think of more temporal matters (including when the baby becomes an adult, as if it happens overnight) when they think of the unborn fetus. So, I was glad to know that my thoughts were normal, but still, it wasn't THAT reassuring. The book did give me some good advice, though: live in the now. It's been hard to do, and I would say that I'm still primarily trying to find ways to provide for it at this point, but hearing that little heart beat was one of the greatest moments of my life.
