My Role as a Daddy

Last week, Sister Elaine Dalton gave a talk in General Conference about a father's role for her daughter. I liked what she said, for the most part, and thought I would write what I think my role as a father to my daughter is.

1- I need to show Eloise how she should be treated in marriage. I am trying more and more to do my part around the house because there is no such thing as "man's work" or "woman's work" in the home; there is just work. I have been learning how to cook and am trying to do it 3 times a week for us. Also, the way I interact with Julie and the way I treat her, I feel will have a major impact on Eloise's views about marriage. Part of being an example to her in marriage, ironically, is to show Eloise that she is beloved and welcomed as a part of my family but that my marriage comes first and is the my most important relationship. I fear that child-centered families are often the ones that break up. I want Eloise to have good relationships with all of her friends and boyfriends and I think this modeling begins with me. Marriage should always come first in a family; unless you want your kid to live with you until they're in their 60's, it is the relationship that will be the most intimate and the longest. 

2- I need to teach Eloise that princesses are only in fairy tales for a reason (or if you're in England and happen to marry one of those princes and then do nothing for the rest of your life while making lots of money). When I was in London, us guys were sorely outnumbered by the girls (33 to 5, I think). There was a girl in particular that was very high maintenance and had been used to the idea of men waiting on her at all times in all places and being placed on a pedestal. Danny and I made it a goal to treat her differently than any man ever had--as an equal and as a friend. We teased her and didn't wait on her every whim. I don't know if it made a difference (probably not) but I fully plan on wrestling my girl and teaching her not to be a delicate flower that needs to be waited on. It will make her (and her husband) much happier in the long run.

3- I need to show Eloise that the only things that really matter are the relationships you have. I feel like way too often, children are taught that education and employment status and honors are what matter. In my family studies, I have run across so many articles that measure good childhood development by how well they do in school and how smart they are. I feel like this is the new good parenting philosophy in America: be rich by working way too much and spend money on your kids to go to extra-curricular activities to learn things that you should be teaching them at home (but you're not because you're never home and neither are they). These variables are stupid to me; I won't consider myself a failure if Eloise (or my other sons or daughters in the future) doesn't get into Harvard. However, I will consider myself a failure as a father if she never learns the golden rule, is unkind to her parents and family, is a disloyal friend and doesn't have a personal relationship with God. 

4- I need to be actively engaged in her life. Again, there is a trend in family studies to talk about "quality time" rather than "quantity time." I agree that it's unproductive to be at home in your bedroom watching the news while your children are downstairs doing something else and calling it family time. However, this idea that you can work all the time and then take a week off and go to an exotic island and consider this quality time is silly. I measure my dearest, oldest friends by how much time they spent with me even when it wasn't exciting and convenient. I feel like as a Dad, it's my responsibility to spend quantity and quality time with her and not only when it's fun for me.

5- Finally, I just feel like it's important for her to know I love her and that I'm proud of her. People express love very differently and receive it differently. However, I don't think it's ever killed anyone to say they love you and are proud of you. I also know that those words are hollow without actions that confirm it.  

Aquarium Trip

Wrote a post about our trip last weekend to the Pine Knoll Shores Aquarium out here in NC, over on my photog blog. Check it out here.

And here is a sneak peak of a few pictures up there:

Nursery Update...and other random life events

I thought I'd update you on the nursery, since Dylan showed the before...I'll show the after.

Me in the almost-'finished' room (take one), at 33 weeks pregnant

After deciding to repaint the room (WAY too dark, completely wrong colors, tan looked like baby poop, etc. etc.), Dylan was REALLY excited to spend another weekend painting. Here he is, about to start the primer

He primed so fast that the roller disappeared. It was actually pretty tough to cover up those stripes, even though they were wrongwrongwrong. Just a lot of work, ya know? And they turned out pretty well.

See, these are the fabrics I already had in the works for the room, and about 20 craft projects based on them...so we needed colors that actually matched/went with these. And then the two color samples of the paints we decided on.

With the help of a friend in the ward, we got the walls back to a yummy cream color

Stripes - done! Well....I did spend all of this morning being a perfectionist and touching up every line with my teeny tiny paintbrush, in places where the paint had bled through or where it wasn't quite even, or where the tape had ripped off little chunks of paint. So I guess this is ALMOST done. But aren't these green stripes much more soothing and light and calm?

And then a few craft projects in the works or almost finished...I'm trying my hand at embroidery, and actually really really like it! This is from an ABC pattern that I got at a quilt shop in Utah, from the company Three Blond Mice. It's nice for a beginner - mostly backstitching.

 

This is actually a pillow (now), but this is it right before I sewed on all those little leaves and the tree trunk. I love how it turned out. Perfect colors and feel for Eloise's little birdie room.

And then there are a TON more projects that I'm working on. 5 weeks until her due date! Can I do it? EEK!
It should be a little easier now that we can actually put her furniture together and hang stuff on the walls. It's going to start coming together quickly!

Eloise's Nursery

On Saturday, Julie and I woke up early to start working on Eloise's nursery. Julie had visions of everything she wanted to do and even got the ambitious ideas of making stripes on an accent wall (she's proud of me for remembering what that was called). We started around 9 AM and didn't stop (other than for lunch) until 2 PM when I had to shower and get ready to go to the ECU game (which they lost in heartbreaking fashion). I got home around 6 PM and we ate some dinner and then got back at it, again. I watched the BYU game (which they lost in heartbreaking fashion) out of the corner of my eye while painting for my baby girl. Finally, at 11 or so, we were done...only to realize that the colors we used were "too dark, changed the whole feeling of the room, weren't baby enough, looked like baby poo and didn't match the craft projects that were going into the room" (notice I put quotation marks on purpose. Those are obviously Julie's words, not mine. I wouldn't know the difference). So, now we are starting again next Saturday. But here are some pictures for your viewing enjoyment until then.

Some day Eloise might appreciate all the work we are doing for her in her nursery. Well, probably not, actually.

Me so excited to unveil our hard work. Poor guy has no idea what he's in store for.

I mostly put these pictures up because even though the colors weren't right, I am still mad impressed with mine and Julie's skills.

Be Humble

I had a missionary companion who always said, "God will have a humble people. Either be humble yourself or God will find a way to make it happen." Apparently, he didn't say it enough, because I still haven't learned my lesson. With Julie pregnant and having to quit her job and me being in school, we have had to get MEDICAID. When we went to the MEDICAID office, I was worried there might be a knife fight that broke out in the office. If there was, I felt, I would be the first one everybody shanks. I felt extremely out of place with people yelling derogatory slurs at each other, talking about their dead beat baby's daddies, wreaking of marijuana, etc. while I sat there with my pregnant wife in my button up shirt. I may or may not have thought, "here we are, two college educated (from a stellar university) people. What are we doing here?" A few weeks later, I felt similar feelings as I sat at the DMV trying to get a North Carolina driver's license. The people were as vulgar, crass and societal norm unconscious as they were at the MEDICAID office. When it was finally my turn to meet with the worker, I felt like she would be happy to talk to someone with all of their paperwork and who didn't call her a "ho." She seemed to be. Then, I took the online part of the test...and totally failed it. The woman looked at me like "seriously?" Apparently, there are a lot of specific vehicle laws particular to North Carolina (who would have thought). Out of all the people who took it, I was probably the only one who was getting a Masters. And I bombed it, whereas most of them passed. Which leads me to my point, be humble, Dylan. You're not better than anybody else.